Your Customer Journey Is Fan Fiction
Somewhere, I’m Pinned to a Whiteboard
I had a strange thought this morning.
Somewhere out there, a group of people might have me on a whiteboard.
I’m taped up with sticky notes.
They’ve given me a name.
They’re mapping out my journey in a workshop.
As they start talking about “a day in my life,” I quietly shift from NPC… to main character.
The Workshop Begins…
He wakes up.
Eats breakfast.
Eggs?
Oats?
Cereal?
Let’s circle back.
He checks his phone.
He finishes Wordle.
Opens LinkedIn.
Scrolls.
And boom, there we are.
A paid ad.
Excitement in the room.
“We got awareness!”
A little worm has now entered my brain.
“Wait,” someone says.
“Does he actually go on LinkedIn?”
Maybe not.
Let’s change it to TikTok.
“No, no, you were right. He was on LinkedIn.”
Too late.
The worm has moved on.
Now I’m in my car.
Apparently a Ford Bronco.
(Yes please.)
White?
“Please no, I don’t want to wash it all the time.”
I’m driving to work.
Where do I work?
“He’s a mid-to-upper mid-level sales and marketing manager at…”
Pause.
“…let’s call it Widget Company for now.”
Widgets are versatile.
Widgets can be anything.
Generic enough to work.
The day continues.
I pass billboards.
I somehow encounter a pop-up brand experience in a mall food court.
I interact with the product.
It’s engaging.
It’s immersive.
It’s… confusing how I’m here at all.
Between the TikTok worm, the podcast I happened to hear on the drive, and the experiential moment I definitely didn’t plan, I’m now thinking about this product all day.
Naturally, I go home and buy it.
On Amazon.
No, Best Buy.
Actually, the brand’s website.
Collective high-five’s.
It arrives three days later.
Incredible logistics.
The unboxing is flawless.
Angels sing.
The plastic is impossible to open, but in a premium way.
I immediately leave a five-star review everywhere.
Where’s the loyalty program?
I should tell my neighbours.
I’m exhausted.
Have they named my persona yet?
Joy Riding Johnny?
Oh.
Oh no.
They didn’t actually research any of this.
This journey wasn’t built from reality.
It was built from what they wanted the journey to be.
I get it now.
The Problem With Imaginary Journeys
If your customer journey was built in a room without customers,
it’s probably fan fiction.
Meanwhile, the real story is sitting right there:
In reviews.
In Reddit threads.
In support tickets.
In one-star Amazon comments no one wants to read.
If someone had fixed that one delivery issue…
If someone had listened to that recurring complaint…
The journey would look very different.
And far more useful.
A Simple Way to Start (No Workshop Required)
If you want to move from imagined journeys to real ones, don’t start with personas or sticky notes. Start with evidence.
1. Read before you map
Before anyone draws a journey, spend 30 minutes reading:
Your last 20 customer reviews
Your last 10 support tickets or emails
Your last 5 lost deals
No summarizing. No spin. Just read the words customers actually use.
Patterns show up fast when you stop talking.
2. Write the journey in their language, not yours
When you do map the journey, use customer phrases, not marketing ones.
Not: “Awareness stage”
But: “I’m annoyed this keeps happening”
Not: “Value proposition”
But: “Is this actually worth the hassle?”
If it doesn’t sound like something a real person would say, it probably isn’t real.
3. Look for friction before opportunity
Most teams rush to moments of delight.
Start with moments of confusion instead:
Where do people hesitate?
Where do they abandon?
Where do they complain, ask, or stall?
Fixing friction usually outperforms adding more marketing.
4. Map fewer moments, better
You don’t need a wall-sized journey.
You need clarity on:
Where people first notice you
What makes them doubt
What finally makes them act
Three moments done honestly beat twelve done theatrically.
The Point
Customer journeys aren’t about being clever.
They’re about being accurate.
And accuracy is what turns marketing from noise into leverage.
That’s the work behind How They Really Buy (Not How You Think They Do)
You can map whatever journey you want.
Your customers will still take the real one.
