No One’s Coming to Save You: The Onboarding Trap

Why great people languish in new roles, and how to break the cycle.

When I stepped into a new leadership role, I had just moved to a new part of the country.

I didn’t know the people.
I didn’t know the new systems.
And I didn’t really know what the role was meant to look like.

So I focused on what I could control:
I got to know the team. I tried to be supportive. I stayed curious.

But here’s what I didn’t do:
I didn’t define the systems we needed.
I didn’t build the scaffolding to support performance.
And I didn’t onboard myself into how I was going to lead.

The result?
Months of frustration. Languishing. Second-guessing.
I didn’t feel like I was failing, but I definitely wasn’t leading.

And the worst part?
No one noticed.

That’s the onboarding trap:

You’re in the role…
But you’re still waiting for someone to give you the map.

Meanwhile, your team is waiting for you to lead.

Most onboarding programs aren’t built for this.
They’re built to hand you a laptop, not a leadership system.

• Where to park

• How to submit expenses

• What tools to use

And if you’re already in the organization, forget it.

If you’re lucky, someone takes you for coffee.
If you’re really lucky, they tell you how decisions actually get made.

But what most new managers need isn’t more policy.
It’s permission to lead with clarity.

And if no one gives you that?
You’ve got to take it.

The data backs it up:

• 40% of leaders say they didn’t get the support they needed in their new role

• 74% of employees want more help during onboarding

• And: “Employees who had a great onboarding experience are 69% more likely to stay for three years.” (SHRM)

So, how do you own your onboarding?

Here’s where to start:

1. Learn how you learn.
Don’t wait to be spoon-fed. Identify what you need to thrive, and ask for it.

2. Build trust on purpose.
Being people-first is great, but trust without clarity creates confusion. Be intentional with both.

3. Set your own 30-60-90.
Don’t just ask, “What does success look like?”
Define it. Share it. Lead with it.

4. Build your own welcome tour.
Don’t wait to be introduced. Book your own 1:1s.
Ask about culture, decision-making, and landmines.

5. Clarify how you want to lead.
People are looking for signals. If you don’t set the tone, old habits will.

Final thought:

Your first 90 days are the foundation.
But if you don’t take ownership of them, they’ll pass you by.

Onboarding isn’t just about being informed.
It’s about being intentional in laying the groundwork for your future success

No one is coming to save you.
But that’s good news, because you’re ready to lead.

Ready to Own Your Onboarding?

Use this quick-start checklist to take action today:

Map Your Mission:

• What do I want to accomplish in the first 90 days, and why does it matter?

Know Your Learning Style:

• What do I need to feel confident and clear?

• Who can help me get up to speed faster?

Book the Room:

• Who do I need to build relationships with?

• What do I need to understand about how this place really works?

Define Your Leadership Voice:

• How do I want to lead here?

• What tone, expectations, and signals do I need to set from day one?

Schedule Alignment Check-Ins:

• Am I aligned with my boss on priorities, success metrics, and expectations?

• If we’re not on the same track now, we’ll be miles apart later.

Set Milestones:

• What does progress look like at 30, 60, and 90 days?

•  What early wins will build momentum and credibility?

Reminder:

Onboarding isn’t a passively received experience, it’s a leadership decision.
Own it. Shape it. Use it to set the tone for the leader you’re becoming.