Nice Leaders Keep the Peace. Kind Leaders Build the Future.
Many people confuse being kind with being nice. On the surface, they can look the same. Both feel positive, both seem respectful. But in reality, they are very different, and the distinction matters a great deal in leadership.
Nice vs. Kind
Being nice often means smoothing things over, avoiding conflict, or keeping quiet so others stay comfortable. Niceness is about preserving harmony in the short term, even if that means ignoring what really needs to be addressed.
Being kind, however, is a different story. Kindness is courageous. It means being willing to speak up, even when it’s uncomfortable. It means being direct, offering honest feedback, and addressing things that might be holding someone back. It also means being kind to yourself by holding boundaries and living true to your values.
A simple relatable example is a nice person might not tell you that you have spinach in your teeth, a kind person will.
The Intent Behind It
For me, the best filter is always intention. When I choose to be kind, my intent is growth for myself and for others. If someone is acting in a way that doesn’t align with shared values or is limiting their potential, it’s not kind to stay silent. Addressing it, with respect and empathy is where growth begins.
Why Kindness Matters in Leadership
In the workplace, kindness is not about being soft or avoiding tough conversations. It’s about creating an environment where people know the truth, feel supported, and have the chance to improve.
Kind leaders are open and honest. They don’t shy away from direct feedback. They know that sometimes the most caring thing they can do is to have the difficult conversation. Niceness may make everyone feel good for the moment, but without truth, there’s no real progress.
When I was overseas I got caught in the trap of comparison, noticing a lot of my colleagues were at higher salary bands than me. I went to my boss. The nice thing may have been to go along and feed this narrative because it was true. The kind thing was to bring me back to where I should be focusing. He said “let your work and your attitude tell the story, the rest will come”. It certainly didn’t feel nice - but it may have been one of the kindest things a leader has done for me.
Nice Soothes. Kind Transforms.
At the end of the day, niceness is about comfort. Kindness is about courage. One preserves the status quo, the other creates growth.
As leaders, the challenge is not to default to “nice” just to avoid discomfort, but to practice true kindness - the kind that builds trust, strengthens teams, and transforms organizations.
